Gaia and the Sweet Girl
To describe what I've learned about the "sweet girl" it is necessary to go back to the beginning... of time!
To a Mother Earth that birthed us all, to a Goddess Gaia that fed us on her bounty. And then onward to a Hebrew God that killed the Goddess to become the judge of all, but took human form and in infancy was nursed by a simple woman of Judea, the Mary to whom many still appeal to make merciful intersession on their behalf.
Romantically, blind justice is portrayed in female form. But realistically, judgment in the Western world is masculine. Certain parts of the east may cut off a woman's genitals or prevent her feet from forming, but in the West we cut off her reason.
Gaia is harsh on mankind; we must work for our bread, and even then we may well starve. She does not suffer fools gladly: they die; or they are maimed and then they die. This is the warm embrace we seek??
The JudeoChristian God is more rational. He judges us on our thoughts and on the intent of our actions. If we suffer, it is for our own good, or it is the creation of Satan. Or so the story goes. It is to this kind of judgment that the Western world submits.
And yet, despite the masculanization of judgment, it is the judgment of women that is sought out. It is commonly recognized that women respond to the judgments of women- they dress, eat, drive and date that which other women will approve.
It is less commonly recognized that men respond to the judgments of women. Certainly the image of the man dressing for work each morning, living for the validation from his wife that he is a good provider is common enough. But there are some others: Think of the man who asks/encourages his female co-workers to comment on his outfit. Think of the drunken husband who begs his wife to tell him he's a good man anyway. I have male friends who call me to confess (their word) various indiscretions: a one-night stand, a rant in an airport, driving home drunk.
What makes me the proper recipient of a confession? It is that I am female. I am meant not to apply any (masculine) reasonable judgment. I am meant to embrace.
Not as Gaia embraces. Everyone knows that the Goddess isn't as kind as we've made her out to be. The opposite of justice may be mercy, but there is logic that makes mercy feminine. The opposite of reason, which has been made masculine, is chaos, and chaos has been left to the feminine. Who would subject themselves to a judgment rooted in chaos?! Only someone who thought the feminine had been subdued millenia ago. Only someone who wanted to lay in a field of daisies under the sunshine. Only someone who felt certain that a woman could be counted on to be "sweet."
That which the Goddess has wrought is not so sweet. Poverty, disease, disorder- of course, all of these are meant to be absorbed by a sweet woman. Woman is chaos; woman is the barrier to contain chaos. The woman who fails to be sweet fails to be feminine- and there will be no shortage of enraged men and censorious women who will tell her so.
A few sociological studies to call upon: A woman who is equally assertive as a male peer is seen as gruff and abrasive, even aggressive. I recall one time having an issue at a gas station (I don't recall the specifics) and very calmly and evenly stating to the attendant what the problem was and the solution I expected. He was beside himself telling me to calm down. It was, in a word, insane. I work well with others, so I rarely have this interaction, I know that as a woman flirting is required first, then business.
To continue with the sociology: Obese women are supposed to be "jolly;" those of average temperament are seen as unhappy or ill-tempered. Ah, the obese woman. We are, quite often, "sweet." I believe that there is a correlation between sweetness and obesity, but it is different from the BBC image of the cheerful rotund woman. The sweet girl has been asked to personify an insanity, and she has done it. But she cannot tolerate the assault on her humanity, and so she eats.
Regaining full humanity as a rational equal is not easy. It comes in fits and stutters, sometimes with outbursts of aggression as assertiveness is sought and overshot. Sometimes with bizarre apologies for assertiveness. And sometimes insanity lingers- when a women finds it necessary to explain how assertive or aggressive she is, it is almost certain that she is neither.
This last point is of most concern. If a woman thinks she has been assertive or aggressive, and yet nothing about her world has changed, it is a confusion. Should she just eat? Should she just be "sweet"? It is of vital importance that women support other women, first, in sanity. We should not label something assertive that isn't- "I'm sorry dear, you did what you could but it had no effect." No!! Assertiveness is like prayer- it always changes something even if that something is you. An assertive woman is a hopeful woman, ready to face the world as it really is.
P.S.
*Everything I've said about assertiveness of course also applies to men. But a mousy man is much more like to be called out with a dose of reality. It is women who are fed insanity and thrown in the "sweet girl" brier patch.
*Hugo Schwyzer, gender studies professor, recently wrote a blog post titled "'I'm not like the others': Nice Guys, self-flattery, and the myth of uniqueness" which was the second in a set of two posts on the topic. One aspect of his review of the topic is the nice guy that seeks female approval of his uniqueness in the form of romantic love, and the rage that follows when he is not give it. Hugo isn't talking about men seeking out women as judges, but it's right there.
And then this post on asking his female student to keep a list of when the say "yes" when perhaps they should have said "no." He calls it "people pleasing," but isn't that just all about the Sweet Girl?
