10.Set up your security the way you want it. Remember you can put your so-called friends into groups and set who has access to what. You can block people and they dissappear entirely... it's the bestest! Don't complain that your pictures end up on the open internet if *you* never secured them to start with. Now use the groups. Need to rant daily about the mayoral election? Filter that down to people who live in the same town.
9. Good God stop with the memes! Yes, I am one of the 96% who don't care, and actually its 99.9%. And, you know what, it isn't even really that week. And, you look like an idiot. Especially when slapping down "Harpy Friefihgters Week!!!!" without even thinking about correcting the typos.
8.If you get fooled into having some rediculous thing posted on your page, or a "friend" posts it for you, delete it. This includes "Jani Bean answered a question about you!" Delete it. Don't leave it there for your actual friends to get mixed up with. A comment "don't click on the above FOR REALZ IT IS A HACKER!!!!!!!" does not help. Just delete it.
7.You don't know what sort of friends, co-workers and bosses I have on my Facebook. Don't post a political, religious, or any other category of rant on my page unless I started it. Comments about how much fun we had at the beach on our sick day are also out.
6. Don't post things you shouldn't post. You know, complaints about your job. Protected company information. Medical information that could affect your insurance^. Private information about your marriage and complaints about your spouse. And your parents. And, generally, your kids.
5.Remember that posts are for us as much as they are for you. Once a day is probably enough. Posts that start a conversation = good. Posts that start a conversation trying to figure out whether you are about to jump off a bridge (the height of "vaguebooking") = bad.
4.Like anything that is likeable. And throw out a few mercy posts, why not. You'll need all that karma back when you are stuck in an airport for 36 hours violating good idea #5.
3.Put some farking clothes on and wash your mouth out with soap! And no we don't want to see your toddler's fecal art project.* We want to see you. Occasionally without a beer in front of your face.
2.Read the post. If you still don't get it, click in the person's name. It goes to their wall. So if 100 people have posted how sorry they are to hear someones goldfish died, don't post "OMG WHAT HAPPENED?!!!!!!!!" First, the goldfish died. We know this. Second, if you click on the name, you can usually scroll down and find out what happened.
Because of this problem, people in crisis often find that they need to appoint a "minister of information" as one cancer survivor called it. This is a person who will answer those questions for you. If it were me, I would also give that person my password and authority to delete the most annoying posts.
1. Don't post private stuff about other people! "Jacki, that's terrible! Especially after that abortion you had two weeks ago! XOXOXOXOXO!!!!" These seems to happen most frequently when someone is in crisis, because that is of course the very best time to broadcast their private information (???). If I have ever have a crisis, the first thing I'm going to do is lock down my page so no one can post comments... Not kidding!
Thanks to my Facebook friends who made suggestions for this list!
^Psssst: All that medical privacy stuff? It only counts for your medical records. Anything your insurance company finds, say on the internet, is fair game to use against you.
*I have my doubts about this needing to be mentioned as a good idea, but my friends insist that it does. I will take their word for it and hope I never have to find out why.